Back to where I started

“You know, you come from nothing/you’re going back to nothing./What have you lost?/Nothing!”

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life – Monty Python

I began the first decade of the new millennium with promise and hope. I had just finished my first semester at the Daily 49er student newspaper and thought I was on the right track career wise. I had a girlfriend that I loved very much, one that I planned on marrying. There was so much I couldn’t wait for.

Now here I am, last day of the decade. All that came true is the career; one that is on thin ice. The last year was one of the most difficult of my life.

But let’s start from the beginning.

My girlfriend at the time and I had no plans for that celebration. Now, that I look back on it, I wish we did. We just quietly stayed in and celebrated the first moments of 2000.

I went to work on my future and was selected to be sports editor for the next semester. I would rise to Editor-in-Chief by my last full semester in the spring of 2001 and really felt I was going to make it as a journalist. The problem was where to begin. Instead of staying local and working my way to a full-time position, I went to Sparks, Nevada and got a full-time job there at $7 an hour where I was designing, editing and reporting. I was living with my brother and his wife.

However, things were not smooth, even with the $7 an hour. I was away from my girlfriend and that was hard and I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to work my way back to Southern California. My first day on the job was August 15, 2001. My girlfriend and I talking on the phone, but I knew we could work through it. I remember writing her an e-mail and typing in we’ll be fine, then following it with: “Just be glad we are not in wartime.” After I wrote that, I deleted it and sent the e-mail.

The next day was September 11, 2001.

I woke up that morning and turned on the television that was in my room where it was set to ESPN and a replay of “Sportcenter.” I was half awake when they went to commercial and said that both towers had collapsed. I contacted my girlfriend who said the campus where she was working and going to school was being shut down.

For the next couple of days there wasn’t a plane in the sky which was difficult to get used to. I remember covering a high school football game three days later and seeing the first flights flying overheard and thought to myself how strange it was.

What I remember most is what I did for a living, sports reporter/journalist, didn’t matter anymore to me. I spent my life trying to find a job to work in sports and now saw it as what it really is, a game. I thought I spent my life living and dying with the San Francisco 49ers and Giants and now it didn’t seem to matter. To this day, I’ve slowed my intake of sports viewing. I still enjoy a good sports feature, but now it is a personal level.

I left Nevada after a few months and came back to Southern California. After finding a part-time job at the Press-Telegram in Long Beach, I landed a full-time job in Riverside at the Press-Enterprise. I finally felt like I made it. It was a major metro newspaper and I was making enough money to support myself, however, I was living paycheck to paycheck at $12 an hour.

It was a fun job; I met a lot of people I’m still friends with. The commute was a killer driving from Long Beach to Riverside for five days a week. Then there were the days I drove to Palm Springs. I was able to ride on the Goodyear Blimp, covered the CIF state wrestling tournament twice, was the lead football writer in 2004 and by the end I considered myself versatile in that position. During one spring season, I covered every sport at least once and there are plenty of sports to cover during that season.

Of course, my perceptions didn’t meet the reality of what my supervisors thought of me. I was fired just before September 2005. I was told during the meeting by the sports editor: “You shouldn’t work in the newspaper industry.”

My girlfriend, who had been laid off from her college job because she had graduated, was very supportive. For the next month, we were there for each other. She would find a permanent job on campus a few weeks later.

I would then find a job that proved to me that I was worthy to be in the industry and introduce me to a group of wonderful co-workers. I became a page designer at the Press-Telegram in Long Beach. It was rocky at first getting situated, but once I did, I enjoyed it and the pay was much better.

Finally, everything I had hoped would happen was finally coming together. My girlfriend and I were both out of college in well paying jobs. I remember getting out of my car a month after getting the job and walking back to my apartment listening to music and the song “Ain’t No Stopping Us Now” was playing and I thought there truly wasn’t.

The P-T was a great place. More than a year after I got there we moved into the ARCO Towers and closed down the original building.

Then, it all started falling apart.

My relationship of 9 years had already suffered a hit before the move. Then it took a fatal blow a few days after Christmas 2006. In short, there was a lack of growing together. It was a long break up since I don’t think either one of us wanted it to end. After all, it was 1/3 of our lives.

I moved into a new apartment near the beach in the middle of 2007 and was enjoying life as best I could without being in a relationship. I was receiving bad news at the time about work. There were a lot of rumblings about the future at the P-T, but nothing really solid until leap day, 2008.

The news and sports desks were told 12 people would be moved to Torrance at the Daily Breeze in a desk consolidation. A few of my friends were laid off. I felt the worst for my friend James who I used to drive to work. I always enjoyed talking to him.

A few months later he would pass away. He was the first friend, and first person close to me, that died. My grandfather died in 2002, but I never knew him well. James and I spent a lot of time talking and he helped me get through my breakup and move forward. There are times I still wish he was here to help me sort out my problems. I know I’m not the only one.

I enjoyed working in Torrance, but it didn’t take long there before we were moving to a new building. Then there was talk we would be moving to West Covina. Around Christmas, there was a posting on the bathroom doors that the company would not do a company match on the 401k.

Two days into 2009 we were told that we would be moving to West Covina sometime during the year. A week later a good friend of mine was laid off. We moved a few weeks later but at the same time wondered what was the point.

I wasn’t too happy and I hoped things would work, but they didn’t. Then I got hit with more bad news.

My mother passed away on vacation in Mexico on April 3. I was in the movie theater when I was told. The funeral wasn’t for another 11 days and I stayed at home and went to work as usual because I couldn’t stop. My sisters took care of most of the details. It was tough, especially driving up for the wake since I only had an hour of sleep. I spent that week with my dad to help him.

I got back to work and two days later I was transferred to West Covina.

On Mother’s Day I went back to church and I’ve gone back every Sunday since, except one because I went to Pasadena to go with my family and none of them wanted to go.

On my first trip to church I found an ad for a Catholic dating service. I tried and met someone. I felt a real connection with her and began feeling things I hadn’t felt in a while. It turned out, I was all wrong. It was kind of heartbreaking and I haven’t talk to her since. I guess, well …

By July, I heard that the union I was in while at the P-T won their case against the paper and that I was due a settlement check. I was told to sign in paper work and I would get a check by the end of October. I’m still waiting.

I took my dad to Las Vegas in August. He had an enjoyable time and found out Las Vegas was more than just gambling. In October, my dad and I went to Mexico City. I had a wonderful time meeting family I had never met. I also went to see a World Cup qualifying match at Estadio Azteca and saw Mexico qualify for the 2010 World Cup. I look forward to going back to Mexico and the state of Jalisco to meet more family and the towns where my parents grew up.

For the rest of the year, I’ve tried to stay out of the way. My goals for the year – getting a new job, move and find someone new – were all failures.

So here I am, one the last day of the first decade of the new millennium. I’m sitting here with the same hope I did 10 years ago with one less thing, a relationship.

Is it a full circle; not quite.

The end is near

The year could be so much better; there is still time.

… Thanksgiving with my family was what I had hoped for; spending time with everyone since I hardly have a chance to do that on a yearly basis sometimes.

It was the first time the whole family had been together since my mother’s funeral in April. Thanksgiving dinner did not have the entire family as one of my sisters stayed behind to work. She did make it up for the next night’s dinner where we celebrated my father’s 80th birthday two days early. There we had dad pose again with his grandchildren for another photo.

Some of my family left on Saturday while I stayed behind with two other sisters and the sister that lived there. We talked throughout the day. On Sunday, we went to church then lunch. The kids played in the front yard where I had raked leaves so they could jump into and we took one my photo with the grandchildren that remained and my dad.

I get to see my dad again next month when he comes down to visit for almost a month in Pasadena.

… I recently found a documentary series on the Internet about the Cold War. It was something I meant to watch when it came out, but I’m glad I found it now.

One of the best classes I ever had in college was United States history after World War II. I always found the progress and development of the nation, along with another world superpower that rivaled it, fascinating.

The series has given me a better understanding of how the Soviet Union actually did view the U.S. All I was ever taught, for the most part, was our side of things. This series actually gives you feedback on what the other side thought; not only from diplomats and advisors, but common people. The consensus I get is the common folk thought the U.S. would start the third world war, complete with total destruction with nuclear weapons.

So far I’ve learned the Soviet leadership after Stalin were better visionaries in regards to science and technology than our leadership. However, just because they were better visionaries, it didn’t mean they were ahead of us since the U.S. still had the ways and means to out produce the Soviet Union.

The one observation I have made is: Why are there no videos of people fleeing towards Communism?

… I knew 2009 was going to be a tough year even before it began when the company I worked for said they would not do a company match on the 401k. Once the year did start, they said they would be moving my job to West Covina in a few months. Then while the sting of all that was happening; a good friend of mine was laid off.

There are a just a few weeks left now in the year that was. So the question is what more can happen? I’ll find out soon enough.

Thanksgiving week is finally here

Maybe it would help if I had a calendar hanging in my room.

… In my last blog I wrote that Thanksgiving would be last week according to the time frame. Man, was I wrong. Of course, my few readers failed to point that out to me. But whatever, I can’t alienate them since they are all I got.

I just finished my sixth straight shift and still have three more to go until I get Thanksgiving weekend off. I’ll be driving to Fresno on Thanksgiving morning and will probably arrive at my sister’s house no later than noon. I don’t anticipate heavy traffic in Southern California that morning.

On Friday my entire family will be all together to celebrate my father’s birthday a few days earlier at dinner at a restaurant to be named later. It should be a good week, now that it is finally here.

… Over the past week I’ve been cleaning my room and bathroom. It hasn’t been this clean since, I don’t know when, sometime after I moved in no doubt.

I will say it looks a lot nicer now. I threw away a lot of boxes which saved me plenty of space. I also went through the stacks of mail I had and have another pile of ready-to-shred documents for my nephews and niece to go through for me.

Now, let’s see how long I can keep it like this.

… I watched the final UEFA playoff for the 2010 World Cup between Ireland and France and saw the handball by Thierry Henry that he turned into a crossing pass to William Gallas who scored a goal and led the French to South Africa.

Now it was easy to see and it was clear that the referee blew the call. I believe that Henry unintentionally committed that handball; that ball just ran up on him giving him little time to react.

Should he have said something? In a perfect world, yes, but we don’t live in that world. At the 1962 World Cup a Soviet player told the referee to disallow a goal against Uruguay because it did not cross the goal line. Now, if you look at every World Cup since you’ll find a few goals that should not have been allowed and players knew it but did not say anything.

The simple answer is video replay and it should be looked into; however, don’t anticipate any changes. This is a sport that doesn’t stop the clock leaving players and fans wondering how much time is truly left in a match … well they have a general idea anyway.

Around the block in many ways

Where is my settlement check?

… I began making an effort to get more exercise at the beginning of last year. I began by walking to get endurance built up to run. Now I run for four days with a one hour walk on the fifth day. I ran/walked for 400 miles last year. By the middle of this week, I should be at that mark, just under two months of last year’s pace.

While I have run more this year so far, I have also had to take some weeks off due to vacations, illness and other personal matters. Injuries have slowly gone away during this time. What used to be muscle soreness and nagging shin splints have gone away. Of course, now that I say that, they were probably come back.

I’ve learned many things while running. The biggest is: Missing a week is missing a lot. Trying to pick up where I left off after a week is tough. In order to make that time easier, I eased my way back by not picking up where I left off and easing back in. I find this to be easier, but once I catch up, I think it’ll be time to push myself farther.

I bought new running shoes after the first 400 miles and recently bought new shoes to wear once get over 400. I think it’ll be a tradition.

… Later this week I’ll be attending a reunion for Daily 49er, the school newspaper I worked at for four semesters. The paper is celebrating its 60th anniversary.

This week they will be producing the anniversary issue. It is hard for me to believe that I was there to put the 50th anniversary issue 10 years ago.

That seems like such a far off time because, well, it is. Being there in the fall of 1999 is almost a third of my life ago. It is where I decided this is what I wanted to do for a living and I made a good group of friends, some that I still stay in contact with.

In a way, I look at this anniversary with much more of a personal stake for me since it falls so evenly, 10 years. It does make me pause and recall everything that has gotten me to this moment.

I can’t wait for Friday, even though it is Friday the 13th.

… Next week, for the first time in about seven years I’ll be having Thanksgiving with most of my family. I asked for the day off and will travel up north to be with almost everyone. The next day everyone will be there to have a birthday dinner for my dad who will be celebrating his 80th birthday on the 29th of November.

It will be a special time for the family since it’ll be the first time we’ve all been together since my mother’s funeral in April.

While I’m sure it will weigh on us, I know that my mom will be with us during those times. I’m sure she is looking forward to seeing her children gathering and laughing together. I know I am.