“I’ve taken all and I’ve endured/One day it all will fade I’m sure”
“I’ll stick around” – Foo Fighters
The day I left to go home, I only had just over one hour of sleep the night before. I was up at 4 in the morning and thought to myself that if I was still up at 4:30 I would get up and just go. I fell asleep and woke up again at 5:45. I packed my car and reached the freeway by 7.
I made it to Tracy at 12:30 p.m. My first stop was to the Tracy Press to pick up copies of the obituary then made it to the hotel. When I arrived one of my sisters arrived about a minute after me. I checked in and got in contact with another who told me almost all of my family was there.
I rested up a bit before I ran an errand and made it to the family viewing at the mortuary. I was one of the first people there. We waited until more people showed up then a sister and I walked in first.
The last time I saw my mom was on a webcam from Mexico. She was smiling and laughing in the brief moments I saw her. When I saw her now, I began to cry. As much as I prepared myself for that moment, there was really nothing I could have done.
Within moments of seeing her, my family began arriving. I moved back to allow my sisters and their children to view. Some began to cry and, again, I choked up. I had flashes of my mom and all of her grandchildren and how much fun she had with them.
This was also the first time I saw my father since they left for Mexico. Speaking to us about mom was difficult for him. It was clear he was heartbroken.
People began to flow in for the service and rosary that was to begin at 7 p.m. There were a lot of people my family hadn’t seen in years. In a way, it was gratifying for us to see what our mother meant to those in the surrounding community.
The priest came in and talked to us before giving the sermon. He asked us all questions and made us feel at ease. As I said, my father was heartbroken, but while talking to the priest you had the sense that his faith would carry him through. He accepted what had happened as God’s will and would carry on living his life in honor of my mother.
During the sermon, he invited a family member to speak. In hindsight, this was the time to deliver the eulogy I had written. Unfortunately, no one in the family knew that at the time. I did speak, but it was something I came up with on the spot with parts taken from the eulogy.
When I got back to my hotel, the door to my room was not working properly. So I was forced to switch rooms. Before I went to sleep that night, I waited for a friend that drove up from Southern California to attend the funeral. He arrived at 1 a.m. and I went to sleep soon after.
The next morning I got up and went to the free breakfast downstairs. I ate, but really wasn’t hungry.
My family went to the mortuary one more time to view my mother as they closed the casket. I said goodbye and that I loved her. My brother, four brother-in-laws and I were pallbearers and we moved my mother out of the church to the hearse outside that would take my mom to the church for the service.
When we got to the church, we moved my mom inside. For the service I sat next to my dad along with one of my sisters. It was the traditional Catholic service and one of my sisters gave a reading.
After the service we walked my mother back to the hearse. We then went to the cemetery. The priest gave one final blessing. The pallbearers and I placed our flowers on the coffin and moved back. They lowered the casket. They passed out flowers and we placed them on the coffin.
The reception was at the hotel conference room. I sat with friends and family and told stories. I finally gave my eulogy. It may not have been the setting I was hoping for, however, it was probably better that I gave it there. The reason was my sister who I wanted to translate for me said she didn’t think she could during the service. Now she could since it was more relaxed. Also, she was able to play off what I had said and made the tone a little lighter.
We went back up stairs. My father was now in my room. We rested for a little bit before we went out to dinner with one of my sisters, my brother, all their children and family friends. Someone asked me at dinner why it seemed that I was able to take the day better than my siblings. I don’t know this to be true, but I did say that what hurts me the most is all the things I won’t have my mom for in the future. My siblings all had her there for weddings and their grandchildren. I won’t have that.
The next day, my father and I said goodbye to family still at the hotel and went home. Two of my brother-in-laws met us at the house to install a switch for the water pump. I walked around, just looking everything. I walked in the house and could see my mother everywhere. No more was it clearly visible then on the refrigerator door where pictures of all the grandchildren where. I couldn’t help but cry at the sight.
After they were done with the switch, my father and I planted to flower plants we received as condolences. My father said that my mother will always be able to see them in their garden.
We also had one more set of flowers to drop off at the cemetery. I drove my father and together we dropped them off where all the other flowers were.
We then drove to San Leandro and spent the night with my sister there. My dad watched the novela “Cuidado con el Angel,” translated, “Careful with the Angel.” One scene in particular was tough to watch. In this scene, a child was talking to her grandmother who was an angel. I looked at my dad after the scene. He wasn’t crying, but his eyes were full of tears.
The next day he drove himself home since he had his truck at my sisters. I followed him home in my car. I drove him to Stockton to pick up medication, lunch, to check about his doctor’s appointment and get groceries. We had lunch at a Mongolian BBQ restaurant where I took my parents when I was in town. My parents always went there. One of the waitresses recognized my dad and began talking to him then asked, “Where is your wife?” It was something that would be asked of him a few more times during the day. My father didn’t flinch and each time said she passed away. It was an answer no one expected, I mean who does? The people would give their condolences and would then tell me about my parents and how wonderful my mom was.
While I was in town, I wondered if the minor league team was in town. I remembered what happened the night before and thought a change would be good. So, on my last night, I took my dad to a minor league baseball game. I told him to bring a warm jacket, brought a blanket and headed to Opening Night for the Stockton Ports. My father had a good time, bundled up eating peanuts. He didn’t want anything else; believe me I asked him repeatedly.
The next day, Friday, we went to Tracy one more time to pick up some groceries, lunch and pay bills. When we got back, I walked around for a bit, talked with my dad. I told him if he needed anything to call me or anyone of his children. He said he knew, but he wanted to stay home and take care of the plants that he and my mom planted. He said it would be disrespectful to my mother if all the plants died.
I went to Tracy one more time before having dinner with a friend in Stockton. I stopped off to see my mother one last time. I brought her more flowers; these were picked by me and my dad from their garden. I told her I loved her and that I would see her again.
I had dinner with a childhood friend and his wife at Round Table Pizza in Stockton. They had games for kids so we played Candy Land and Old Maid. I left Stockton at almost 9:30 that night. On my way home my friend sent me a picture of us playing Candy Land.
The next day I went to work and had a 14-page sports section, the biggest section we’ve had in a long time. Needless to say, I didn’t make deadline. The Grand Prix of Long Beach was taking place so we blew out the coverage.
On Sunday, we had an 11-page section. It was also the last day for me in the Torrance office as I was being transferred to West Covina. We had a dinner and there were kind words said. Deadline was completely blown by again. After work, I went out with co-workers for a send off.
So later today I begin a new chapter. I’m going to work in my fourth office in three years, all under the same company. I promised myself that I would never do another transfer. I also promised myself I would never be unemployed and decided to keep that one. As you can guess I’m not really looking forward to it, like many others today.
My birthday is also coming up in two days, and yes I will be working on that day and the day after. It will be the first one without my mother who used to call me and tell me all that a mother would say.
I do have her last give to me. While in Mexico she bought me a blanket for the back seat of my car. In a way, it is fitting because whenever I would drive my parents anywhere, my mom would sit in the back. Now I can say: I’m always driving my mom around.
